The Circle of Life

I'm sorry I've posted my blogs so late in the week this week. I usually try to post them on Monday or Tuesday, so then everybody has a chance to read them and leave a comment, if they want. It's just been a pretty hectic week for me. I have a speech that I have to give for my Comm 100 class on March 19th, so I have been working on that. I get a little nervous about "speech", although, I think everybody does to some extent. When I get nervous about that stuff it's like a chewing the end of a pencil kind of thing, so I've really been buckling down and working really hard on this speech so I can earn a good grade. It really doesn't help when the teacher is always leaving announcements that say things like: "Be prepared, this is not going to be a walk in the park." and " This will not be an easy course if you don't earn a good grade on your speeches". In a way, I'm kind of glad that she does that because it makes people more cautious and I believe she is trying to make sure that everyone works hard so that way they can get a good grade. Anyway, besides working hard on my speech I have also been studying for mid-terms and everyone knows how that can be. I already took my math mid-term exam but I'm still studying for history's exam. I believe it is next week too! YAY! On top of studying and just doing schoolwork in general, I've been a little busy with my 8 month old daughter, Macy. She has been sick this week. I have really bad sinus and allergy problems and I think she might have inherited those things from me, because when the weather changed I got sick with a sinus infection and so did she. She also has two top teeth coming in, I can feel them, but they are not all the way through yet. Macy has been uncomfortable with all this and she's been a little crabby. She usually never cries, but this week she has been very uncomfortable with all the things she has to deal with. When she gets like this, she likes to cling to me all day long! Thank God for naps! My husband's birthday was yesterday, Thursday, and he just turned 32, so we are dropping the baby off at my mother's tonight for a few hours and then we are going to Joplin to go to dinner and then shop around for a bit. He wants some new sunglasses and to browse the video games for his XBox and I love to go to Victoria's Secret, especially since they make comfy clothes. Anyway, I am trying to get my homework done now, since Macy is taking a nap and we will be out for the evening. On top of all of this hectic week, I got a call from my grandma this morning. She sounded upset, so I asked her what was wrong and she said that the doctors told her today that there wasn't anymore that they could do for my grandpa and that they think he has an estimated time of about 2 weeks left to live. I really wasn't sure what to say to her. It's very sad news. My grandpa has been alive for 91 years, and has been with my grandma for 67 years. They have always been inseprable. My grandma never drives the car because my grandpa always goes with her everywhere and so he always drives the car. I'm not really sure what to say to her though. What do you say to a lady that has shared her entire life with a wonderful man for 67 years and has never been separated from him? I went and took the baby up to the hospital today to see him for a bit. He played with the baby for a while and so did my other family members who were there visiting. He doesn't look to bad, but I'm sure that's not how he feels. He suffered a silent heart attack a couple months ago and it damaged his heart. He has a pace maker and it sends readings to the doctor and the doctor got the readings and made him come in. He put some stints in his heart and he was alright to go home after that. About a month later he suffered another silent heart attack and the doctor made him come in. He put a couple more stints in his heart and told him that he could not put anymore stints in so if he had another heart attack he would not survive it. He sent my grandpa home and 3 days later we had to rush him to the hospital because he said he couldn't breathe. They found that he was bleeding and losing blood but they couldn't figure out where he was bleeding from. They did every test they could and still couldn't find it. Now his blood pressure will not stay stabilized and they can't send him home unless they could figure out how to stabilize it. They've done everything they can now and they still can't stabilize his blood pressure. They said that he is just getting old and that his heart is wearing out. I understand that they've done everything they can do and now he just has to wait until God comes for him, but I don't think that it has really sunk in for me yet. I don't think it will until it actually happens. I'm one of those people that has to see it to believe it. I just don't think that I have excepted to believe that he will be gone within; two weeks time. When he does pass, thats when it will hit me. I eventually found my voice and told my grandma that he's just getting old and he's had a wonderful life with us all and that it's just part of the circle of life. Your born, you live, and then you die. You just have to make the most of your life while you're here on earth. This is the exact same thing that my dad said to me when my great grandma on my mother's side died. She died when I was 12. I didn't even really know that lady that well, but when I saw her in the open casket at the funeral home, I cried. I just hope that the place we go when we die is a better place than being on earth, becuase if it isn't then everybody is getting ripped off and that dieing really does suck! I'm just going to try to let Macy and myself spend the amount of time he has left with him. I know my grandma will be very sad when he is gone, but hopefully we can all keep her from being depressed. My sister and I always go over there everyday to see her so she will not get lonely. Macy cheers her up a lot too. Babies always have a way of putting a smile on somebody's face.